Our lives as many scholars say are determined by our choices. Some say its the decision that we make in life sketch the blueprint of our whole life. Strange. But who provides us with these choices really? And even if we are lucky enough to be guided by others regarding these inescapable choices, does anyone really bother to explain it to us? No. At least in my case I faced all the choices in life, did a hit and trial on each option and chose the one that sounded the closest to the most righteous one. However, life isn't always as easy as getting a range of option, like in a Subway, and choosing the one that sounds or looks the most delicious. Some things in life are pre-decided. And we have to live them. Throughout our lives we have to live these decisions made by providence for us. But yes, we do get the choice. The option to live it or loathe it. Cherish it or waste it. Just like on some products there is no bargain. Just the 'Take it or leave it' offer....
Still, people come to me ask me about weird choices that I never recall ever making myself. Many wonder, 'Why did you choose to be gay?' Yes, as peculiar as it is, the reality is not. In a society where its taken for granted that a man is made for a woman, why would some one or say any man choose to fall in love with an another man? Some are offensive enough to conclude that its just to seek more attention. Yes, why not? After all gays are celebrated all over the world and held at a really high position in any society isn't it? Being gay is as good as being a celebrity, as they say. Well, by now I have had enough debates and written innumerable articles regarding such baseless notions. I'm too tired now. I don't want to correct anyone here. Over this little time Ive been exposed to the seriousness of the prevailing issue, I have learned that such people live in denial. They can't however much you try ever get themselves to accept a change or a shift from the rules or procedure or whatever it was that was instilled into there minds since childhood that they are just incapable of flexibilities in perception. I'm not here to wage a war out here. So peace with everyone. If you say we are gay to get attention then be happy, at least i don't mind a little attention here and there. In fact i love it! Like everyone else including Paris Hilton. But I think being a transvestite is better option to gain more attention if it that way. No offense to anyone, but really, at least they are fortunate enough to wear those lavish dresses which we only dream of but can never summon the courage to actually feel the grandeur of fitting in them. Also, it was a not such a good option after all...
Anyways. So I get many other queries regarding other choices too. Why did I choose to be out? I could've remained discreet and get married and everyone would have been happy. (Really?) Some concerned people, who totally accept my thing can't help but say, 'Why do you choose to be so loud about my sexuality?' And so on. What they don't understand is that its not the choice but rather the necessity that governs every reality. I could have lived a discreet life, partying every night followed by catering to the carnal needs with random people, devoid of any emotional stability. Since childhood i could never get myself to do something that i didn't feel was right and what would make me feel guilty about the rest of my life. I couldn't just keep on pretending that I'm straight involving in the nasty jokes straight men make about women in their closed circles and feel disgusted yet helplessly smiling along the way. I couldn't just date a girl and let her emotions deliberately fall for me, while I would just be faking it. I couldn't just marry a woman and crash all her dreams just for the sake of gaining social acceptance. I just couldn't get myself to do it. The only choice in life we get is to heed the call of the "human" inside of us and wake up to our real identity. Standing up for what is right and saving ourselves from meaningless victimisation of a superficial society's expectation. Once you make the decision, everything that follows is decided thereon. They are not dependent on your choice anymore.
And why do i choose to be loud about it? Well, its the same take-it-or-leave-it offer. It comes as a package. the day i came out I realised how proud was I of myself. Not once did I regret not being straight. Actually there are a lot of benefits of being gay. I'll discuss- rather 'brag' about that later. For now just know that I'm a person who doesn't give a damn about what others think or say. People say what you make them say. If say suppose, you are hanging out in a circle. The girls brag about their boyfriends. the guys drool over each others girlfriends and I choose to letch and bitch about that cute guy getting a coke at the McD's counter, what the heck? If I feel inspired by Paris Hilton and display vanity or reach the Disc and dance like a slut trying to remember the wall dance Britney did in her early days, what the HECK? I'm just being myself. That's me! I'm just doing what I feel like doing. And that ain't no choice. That's what i decide to do....(!)
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